Latest Blog

• Special Note

  April 2, 2013 1:09 pm

  Dear Readers, it’s been forever since I’ve posted anything and I apologize.  I’ve been working on some other projects and get so easily distracted  Samantha turns five next month and everyone is doing great – thriving, in fact! I have just been informed that I am a finalist in an essay contest.  Woohoo!  If you [...]

  
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• And Work the Plan (“Rolling In the Deep” – Adele)

  December 4, 2011 7:52 am

  Could this possibly be me? Was I really this woman about to have her breasts removed? One voice inside me was saying, “Yes, you are! And good riddance to those untrustworthy bitches!” But the other voice, and this one was louder, was protesting, “No, turn around and go home, Steph! What are you thinking? How could you volunteer to be butchered like this…and without a nanny? Are you insane?”

  
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• Plan the Work (“Mercy” – Duffy)

  October 4, 2011 3:59 am

  The first surgery would be the hardest one with the longest recovery. I will need to stay in the hospital for three days, and I’ll have a morphine drip. This is very scary to me because I have never been in a situation where the pain would be so great as to warrant the constant availability of morphine.

  
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• All Sorts of Fun (“Poker Face” – Lady GaGa)

  August 24, 2011 10:53 am

  And off I went to my ‘pre-op’ appointment a few days before surgery, which included some blood work, an EKG, an x-ray of my lungs, and last, but not least, a meeting with Dr. Andersen to discuss the procedure and the recovery. I was still unable to utter the words ‘double mastectomy’ and had therefore been referring to it as a ‘breast reduction followed by an immediate boob job’.

  
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• I RSVP’d ‘Yes’? (“1985″ – Bowling for Soup)

  August 13, 2011 1:59 am

  Surgery was set for September 26, 2008. Almost a year to the day after being diagnosed.

  It was during this insanely stressful and difficult time that my high school reunion rolled around. It was by now so far down my list of priorities that I still can’t believe we actually attended. I stuck my wig to my super-bald head, put on my recently purchased Spanx, squeezed myself into a borrowed dress, and headed out with Grant to reunite with people I hadn’t seen since June of 1988.

  
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• Let’s Do This Thing (“Disturbia” – Rihanna)

  July 19, 2011 9:14 pm

  When I got home, there was no need to look in the mirror – only into the faces of my children and husband in order to confirm my decision. It didn’t mean I wouldn’t take a poll and ask every one of my friends whose opinion I cared about what they would do in my situation, because I did that. It didn’t mean I wouldn’t speak to several other women who had been through it, because I did that, too.

  
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• An Intro to Plastics (“Satan Gave Me A Taco” – Beck)

  June 21, 2011 5:53 pm

  Sure enough, within a few days, I was contacted by Dr. Andersen’s office and we set up an appointment for the following week. Everything seemed to be moving so quickly with this! But a decision had to be made in a certain amount of time. At some point soon, I had to choose between radiation and, as I called it, “The Big Surgery”. I could barely even say the word ‘mastectomy’, no less imagine actually going through surgery like that.

  
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• Stupid Boobs! (“Truth Is” – Brother Ali)

  May 31, 2011 10:56 pm

  “Oh my God, I don’t know what to do,” I squeaked. I couldn’t believe this was being thrown at me. This was supposed to be a simple little appointment, and now I had more decisions to make. I thought I was almost done with everything. Wait, maybe I was. I didn’t have to do any crazy surgery! My plan didn’t have to change. I could live with those odds and the close monitoring and the mammograms, right? I mean, cancer would probably never come back anyway, right? Right??

  
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• The Best Laid Plans (“Boulevard of Broken Dreams” – Green Day)

  May 7, 2011 2:57 am

  About two weeks after being done with chemotherapy, I had an appointment to see Dr. Paz, the oncologic surgeon. Remember him? He is the one who sparked my hopes and dared me to believe in the miracle of life about one year before this.
  Our meeting was to discuss my next step, which was a minor surgery to get those clear margins requested so long ago. Supposedly, this was not a big deal – just a bit more tissue from the left breast was to be removed, looked at, and if no cancer was detected, then I could move on to radiation a few weeks after that. I was so close to being D-O-N-E with everything that I could practically taste it. Just one question, though: “So what are my chances that breast cancer will come back?”

  
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• Eight Down (“Bleed It Out” – Linkin Park)

  April 19, 2011 4:30 am

  After my third round of taxol, I was convinced I absolutely could not do a fourth. “I’m done,” I protested, “I can’t do this.” I felt like hell all the time. In fact, it was during this phase when I came upon a new favorite quote by Winston Churchill, purchased a magnet with this quote and slammed it front and center on the refrigerator door – “When you’re going through hell, keep going”.

  
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